My Testimony Part 12: From Phish to Fish & Reader Testimonies
This is part 12 in my testimonies series, and you can view all of them here. This is a brutally honest testimony about how I went to "zero morality" to the true morality of Jesus Christ. Next, it includes a wonderful reader testimony from Garrett, with a similar theme, as well as a sermon from Adrian and his shout-out to Drew and Jake. We thank all four of these men for their dedication to the truth and their sacrifices for this ministry. Lord please bless them in Jesus's name.
Introduction - Phish to Fish
The other day I was on my run, and I was reminded of a song called "Character Zero" by Phish. I was really into this band when I was in high school and college, and it's off the album "Billy Breathes" - one of my favorites - if you enjoy the jam-band/rock/hippie kind of feel, you might enjoy it, too. I was almost a hippie but couldn't quite do it, and this song kind of explains why. Here are the important lyrics:
I was taught a month ago
To bide my time and take it slow
But then I learned just yesterday
To rush and never waste the day
Well I'm convinced the whole day long
That all I learn is always wrong
And things are true that I forget
But no one taught that to me yet
I ought to see the man mulcahey
Essentially the theme of the song is "Nothing makes sense" and I'm just going to drink some beer. Apparently, "Man Mulcahey" is a bar they are referring to - I thought it was a philosopher!
But how many people have had similar experiences? Life doesn't make sense, everything seems completely contradictory, and they end up just having a beer. Some wisdom says to "seize the day" and other wisdom says "to be cautious in every decision." There are conflicting opinions around us constantly, whether in the news, in our social circles, or otherwise. Most are completely lost and confused, and honestly, the bottom of a bottle is the answer for many, and it used to be mine.
This is where my testimony turns darker.
You see, my life was a disaster several years ago, and while I started to understand Jesus, I was still lost. I was at "character zero" listening to Phish. I was having difficulty trying to compensate my newfound beliefs with the world I lived in, and here is the truth, I couldn't. I had to come out of the world.
I often joke with others that I do feel like I was Alice in Wonderland for much of my life, trying to make sense of complete absurdities. This was me:
Now that's, of course, a joke, and I don't want to glorify my former issues with alcohol. In fact, alcohol had a devastating impact on my life, and it took me a long time to overcome. You can read more about that here, especially if you, yourself, are struggling with addiction.
Anyway, my life was essentially meaningless. It didn't make sense. I didn't know what to believe. I ended up with no morality and contradictory morality. I found Jesus but I couldn't leave my sins, and I stumbled upon these two notes today to demonstrate this.
These are notes I have in my phone, and I am posting them to show people how dark of a place I was once in, before truly escaping sin and finding Jesus Christ fully. I want to show that what I write in this blog is 100% authentic:
There are others, and I am posting them for brutal honesty and my own humility.
I did want to kill myself, but I wasn't going to. I was just lost. I had "zero character." I had Phish, but I didn't have fish.
So, that leads us to the turnaround. I started reading my Bible. Also, I credit Witness 1 for helping me see the world differently. I once called and asked him, "How do I not care what others think of me?" I don't know what his answer was, but I admired him for his complete confidence and lack of care of what the world said about him. I wanted that, too!
That was my idol and my quest was to destroy it. During this time, riddled in these notes, are my Bible studies with Witness 1, as I was learning about Jesus:
I have no idea why I was so disappointed.
These are my real Bible studies I was doing with Witness 1 at the time. I love the book of Esther now. I was just being hyper-critical of the Bible at the time, trying to find flaws. I couldn't. So please don't judge me for this study. This is a brutally honest testimony, and I have even written about Queen Esther and beauty since then! I have solved the problems. In fact, these intense studies are why I can write the way I do now. It increased my wisdom.
So, how did I get out of my major depression and suicidal ideation? Well, I turned the Alice-in-Wonderland-absurdity of the world and the Character-Zero-Phish into fish - the fish of Jesus Christ.
Surely most reading know fish is a symbol for Jesus Christ. It has so many meanings, and its most basic definition, despite my depression, I was feeding my soul with true fish every day - the Bible.
While there are some who criticize the fish symbol, I think it's just all about how we use it. It's actually quite interesting to look into some history on it:
"It is said that the Jesus Fish has a similar origin. It was a marking to signify that you were Christian, but it was done in secrecy – it was a symbol that was only known among the Christians. The concept is that under Roman persecution in the first centuries of the Church, Christians would make the top half of the swoop of the fish with their foot in the dirt and the person they were speaking to if Christian would make the other swoop – proving they were a safe person to speak to about Jesus. This is a popular account of the origin of the fish, but it’s not based in any evidence. It’s pure speculation. The earliest preserved markings of the fish come on tombstones that don’t have more clear markings that say, “This person was a believer” but with the invocation of Jesus’ name no where to be found, so it is assumed that it was a secret mark to show the dead were Christians. But there is evidence of these marking also as use in markets and entry ways to homes to proclaim the person is a Christian. And there is nothing to verify that they would half draw a fish to check if who they were talking to was a fellow Christian. Personally, it doesn’t seem to fit with what we see concerning their boldness in the Bible and in the centuries following to boldly proclaim the Gospel under persecution...
The symbol of the fish was certainly used among Christians in times in which there was persecution against the Church – was it a sign only known among Christians, maybe or maybe not, but it’s a sign that was used and displayed. It’s a sign that we call the Jesus Fish today because we know the fish is to represent Christianity, but in every way the fish was created to represent Jesus and in fact to tell a confessional creed about who Jesus was and is! It’s a symbol that points us to Christmas and the birth of the Son of God, our Savior."
From the same article:
ιχθύς is the 1st century koine Greek word for fish. The early Church used this word as an acrostic.
ι – Ἰησοῦς – Jesus χ – Χριστός – Christ (the anointed of the Lord) θ – Θεοῦ – The genitive case of Θεóς, meaning “of God” ύ – υἱός – Son ς – σωτήρ (ς is at the end of words) – Savior
There is so much I could write on fish, but I think you are all getting the point. Fish is a symbol for me changing my life, for feeding myself with the true meat - no longer listening to the absurdities of the world and getting advice from a cheshire cat or a song. I was listening to the words of the Bible.
In fact, as I continued to read the Bible and conquer my own sins, my notes of mourning turned to songs of praise:
As most readers know, I really like taking photos:
So, this is not where this testimony ends.
The next part of the testimony is coming, and it might be entitled from "Maga" to "Manna" or something like that - an idea I have from Garrett.
In fact, Garrett wrote a testimony about his overcoming, and it is coming up next in this post.
Before we get there, I want to remind readers that the best thing you can do is starting eating the true fish of the Spirit each day and reading your Bible. We have a daily Bible study in our discord, and we invite you. No matter how low you are, the Word of God can literally break your chains like it did mine. From Titus 2 today:
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
15 Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.
Please, join us! Of course, there is so much more to this testimony, and I'm not trying to oversimplify things. However, that is why I am literally writing a blog post (nearly) a day because that is how complex my testimony is at this point.
Now, let's get into Garrett's testimony of overcoming.
Garrett's Testimony
Hello. What i am about to tell you is something many of you will not appreciate.
Here it is: your suffering is your own fault.
Let me explain. I have had late stage cancer coming up on one year and eight months. Do not get me wrong, it is very difficult to manage and deal with, and, at first, it felt like the world had ended. But hear me when I say, it has not bested me. My faith in Christ Jesus has not only nearly fully healed me, but it has allowed me to do extraordinary things that should not be possible with someone who has my same infliction. We will start at the root. I was (and am, unfortunately) a SINNER. We all are in some ways. Praise be to Christ for his perfection. Anyways, I was up to no good for a long, long time. Once I finally came around to Christ, one of my first questions was "Lord, what in the world caused me to end up like this?" To which the response i got was "You and the world together, my son." It was at that moment that it all made sense to me; this was completely self inflicted. I know what you're thinking, "but what about kids, aren't they innocent?! Why would God let this happen?!" Well, it starts to make sense when you see these things for what they truly are: demons. Unfortunately, as it stands right now, the world is under siege. There is an unimaginable evil attempting to corrupt the Lords beauty, and i know you all see it.
So then, how is this MY fault? Shouldn't God just strike this evil where it stands? Isn't that what a JUST God would do? First of all, I say, how dare you. Second of all, He does. You must believe in His work fully, for then you will be set free. And lastly, it is mine, and all of our faults for letting these demons control us. From booze, to porn, to substances, to even just food, you allow these things dominion over YOUR temple, and, by extension, the temple of Christ, for He is in us all. Act 17:28 "For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring." Even something like screentime can become an idol, and by extension, a demon in and of itself. We let these things control us. Call it what you want, and addiction, at crutch, a bad bad habit, we all know what they truly are. There is no time left on earth for "moderation". If you know it is bad, it brings you guilt, it pains you to do, then you must cut the cord NOW. What gives me any qualifications to say this? I will spell it out. Since I was 16, I vaped. Started binge drinking at 19. Weed at 22. Let's not forget the prescription adderall since 14. Masturbation? Tons. Lust? Still struggle. Sugar, carbs, candy, sweets, they had always been just a "part of life", consuming my time, my resources, money, and my passion for Christ Jesus. Want to know how I was able to kick those things? -Prayer -Scripture -Fellowship -Exercise -Taking up healthy hobbies -Identification of sin -Repentance
I could keep going, but I won't. Here is what I will share with you, so take it as you will. I have failed many, many times. I've let the world consume me, and, in return, I've consumed the world. These temptations, these tragedies, these demons, they are all manageable through Christ. Truly, what is stopping you from moving forward? Can't kick a habit? Try harder. Do you want to end up like me? Sick as a dog? Want to destroy your brain? Keep smoking. Keep drinking. Keep masturbating. Keep sinning. I implore you, come to Christ, my brothers and sisters; for through him, all is possible. Praise be to Christ.
Amazingly said, Garrett. I have written something similar before. We have to have some acceptance of responsibility for our own problems, and then, we can give them over to Jesus Christ for help.
Adrian's Sermon
Communion Meditation 2024 10:27 – Who will we vote for, who can save us?
“This is the one. The most existential, consequential, and important election of our lifetime.” This coming from Vice President Harris. That is said every election are you tired of hearing it yet? But this time is different, this is the most important election? This is nothing more than pandering, pure fear mongering. Should we be afraid for our country, 100% yes. We are about to be punished, but should we fear the people who pretend to control our fate? "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul" Matthew 10:28. No, clearly we should only fear God and the righteous punishment, the judgment he is going to inflict on us as a nation for our failure to repent.
So let’s take a look at our two so called “choices”, because we all know not voting for one of the two evils is a wasted vote, right? So if you plan on voting democrat let’s look at your parties’ stance on abortion. The Democratic Party platform, has its own section on “Reproductive Freedom” that embraces the idea that abortion is health care. Abortion is health care. Say it one more time to make sure it sinks in, “ABORTION IS HEALTH CARE”. Caring for your health is killing an unborn child, chopping off its limbs and vacuuming it brain out of a hole dug into its head. If you vote democrat, regardless of the puppet on stage you are voting for over 70 Million Murders since 1973. If you vote democrat, you are voting for Moloch. Let’s leave this subject with a verse from Leviticus 20:2, “Say to the Israelites: ‘Any Israelite or any foreigner residing in Israel who sacrifices any of his children to Molek (Moloch) is to be put to death. The members of the community are to stone him.
The other choice is the republican party. Donald Trump said something very strange on repentance in 2015, “I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.” 2 Peter 3:9, which says God is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” The republican party has also changed many of its platforms to be more inclusive “Republicans will promote a Culture that values the Sanctity of Marriage, the blessings of childhood, the foundational role of families, and supports working parents. We will end policies that punish families.” Sounds great right, but it removed at least five references to marriage as a union exclusively between “one man and one woman.” Let’s leave this subject with this verse Genesis 2:24 it says, “… A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
So we don’t have any good choice do we? This is not a surprise. Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. It also says this in the old testament. Psalm 146:3-7 Do not put your trust in princes. Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help. His spirit departs, he returns to his earth; in that very day his plans perish. Maybe that’s not enough to convince. Maybe we need one more verse to absolutely seal and prove that everyone in power is directly working for Satan.
Luke 4:5-7 Then the devil, taking Him up on a high mountain, showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. 6 And the devil said to Him, “All this authority I will give You, and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. 7 Therefore, if You will worship before me, all will be Yours.”
But Jesus answered and said Get the behind me Satan. And that is what I will be saying to this presidential election. I am going to write in the only candidate, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I vote for him. And even when he isn’t elected It won’t have been a wasted vote.
Please join me in prayer.
Adrian's Boasting of Drew and Jake:
TLDR: I am inspired by Jake and Drew, what they say and what they do, I am inspired and so should you.
If you have ever been in any military organization, any sane sales job, or any group where healthy competition is encouraged you will understand this. If you have not, then let me briefly explain. In groups where competent people don’t do their job simply to collect a paycheck but gain a sense of self worth from their work accomplishments, you will see a culture filled with healthy competition. This is not to be mistaken for the back-stabbing and cutthroat crab bucket world of the used car and insurance sales. Instead, it most often exists in “professions”. These are jobs where self-learning is something one often does voluntarily, rather that because one is forced. Where one queries colleagues and competitors alike to find out what techniques and tips may help them to become better at their craft. For a job such as a 2WC (Two Witnesses Councilmember), this rings especially true, as there is no financial incentive of any kind, in fact most of us had a significant decrease in our financial status since joining. So, what keeps these two trying as hard as they do, looking at ways to improve and generally being an example for the rest?
Jake and Drew have both experienced and inculcated numerous and deep changes to life and lifestyle habits since joining the 2WC. It is best left to their testimonials to details the things they have given up, left behind, stopped and removed from their lives, not for their glory but for Jesus Christ. How can we be so sure their work and efforts are true? It is most easily verifiable by their relationship and communication with God. Perhaps I am the only one on the council who does not receive multi-sentence detailed paragraph divine revelations. If that is the case and you are the recipient of high-level disclosures from the Holy Spirit about not only your own condition and life questions, but also those around you and others on the council, then, by all means, stop reading now. Truly, if you are already on a direct communication path from Jesus , with him giving you detailed answers to questions then you have far more important things to do than read this. I have often been overly pleased with yes/no answers, dimly heard, things as simple as a dollar amount when asking how much to give.
For the rest of us, those still working on our relationship and communication with almighty Father, then we should look to emulate Jake and Drew. Not idolize, nor envy, but with understanding that if they can do it, so can we if we are putting in the work.
From Elisha:
Drew and Jake have stood by my side, defended me, cared for me, and showed themselves as true men of God. Though young, they are a true exemplar of what happens when you give up everything and allow Jesus Christ to enter your heart. I cannot explain what they have done for me, but I pray God repays and bless them in Jesus's name.♡
Love, Elisha
Sometimes we need to boast about others! I boast about Adrian, Garrett, Drew, and Jake.
Adrian loves people so much, sacrificing his life for total strangers. I am not sure he wants me to write this, but I just want to boast. Adrian literally sent Witness 1 and me a computer when we first started this ministry because Jesus told him to. This is a true story - we did not ask. He just knew. Isn't that amazing and such a reflection of his character? He barely knew us then. Wow.
Garrett has overcome everything. Everything! He is here with us, helping others, even as he had to fight for his own life through cancer. He never, ever gives up, and we are so thankful for him.
Jake is my true friend, and he has helped me so much with this ministry. I love that he is strong in his convictions, and he doesn't back down. He always does, ultimately, what is good and righteous, he is humble, and he isn't afraid to speak up. He is brave, and he is my warrior friend.
Drew is doing so much behind the scenes that I couldn't even begin to write. He has given up everything for Jesus Christ, and he is a true model of what it means to "pick up your cross and follow me." Drew has been there for me through some of the hardest times, and I don't know how to thank him for believing in us and supporting us.
All of these men are loved, and if I didn't include you, that doesn't mean we don't notice you or love you. We do try to boast about people - not to embarrass people - but the Bible calls us to - not to boast about ourselves but others - and when we do boast about ourselves, to do so for Christ.
Thank you, men of God, for helping us with this mission, whether you are included in this post or not. You know who you are.
With great love,
Elisha aka Witness 2
