My Testimony Part 11: When God Disciplined Me
This is part 11 of my real life testimonies, and the sunflower pictures throughout the post are photographs I have taken in real-life. You can find the previous parts of my testimony in order here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. This post will explain why God disciplined me, and why His time of discipline must come upon the world.
Introduction - The Soul and Prefrontal Cortex
The other day, I wrote a post about the prefrontal cortex and the possibility that this area of our brain is associated with our soul. As I was pondering this, it reminded me of my own personal testimony of my problems with alcoholism, which you can read more about here.
Drinking was a true demon in my life. It was my life. It was my answer to everything. It reminds me of this song "Drank" by Kendrick Lamar - these lyrics are accurate concerning how drinking affected my life:
Pour up, drank, head shot, drank
Sit down, drank, stand up, drank
Pass out, drank, wake up, drank
Faded, drank, faded, drank
Why you babysittin' only two or three shots?
I'mma show you how to turn it up a notch
First you get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you dive in it
Pool full of liquor, then you dive in it
I wave a few bottles, then I watch em all flock
All the girls wanna play Baywatch
I got a swimming pool full of liquor and they dive in it
Pool full of liquor I'mma dive in it
You see, for many years, I drank functionally and never really had any consequences. I could easily binge on the weekends and return to work ready to function by Monday. In fact, I was still running and drinking, and I had an absurd amount of success in my life at the time. I was living the best of both worlds, or so it seemed.
Moreover, I used drinking to help me write, and I felt it would never be possible to write without drinking. I am so glad that is not true and that I can write sober now, but in the past, I never thought this was possible.
The point is, though, that while I knew drinking was “bad”, I really never had plans to stop until I started experiencing consequences. Even then, it was a grand struggle. I knew it was "wrong" but I loved it more than it being wrong, if that makes sense. It felt like my friend. It always comforted me. It was the only time I felt at peace.
The good news is I did have some wake-up calls, especially before I became pregnant. To be clear, I wasn't always drinking, and I had bouts of sobriety. Ultimately, it was like a lover I always seemed to return to, one way or another.
The good news is that before my son was born, I transitioned into a life of sobriety. However, it seems that when you are trying not to sin is when Satan attacks the most. When people are fully fledged in their sins, Satan keeps them comfortable. However, when you really start trying to lead a better life, that is when Satan attacks you. Still, during this time, I was beginning to learn how to pray. In fact, no one ever really explained the importance of prayer to me, and though I prayed, I did not understand its power fully. This time of sobriety is when I started to draw closer to God, and I just remember realizing that I could actually talk to God, and I think these prayers saved me later. I prayed for my son, especially, that he would survive this pregnancy (I had some previous losses), and that my life would be joyous with him. Mostly I prayed for our protection.
I will skip a few things here, and I want to be clear to readers this story is not fully fleshed out yet, and the timeline is a little skewed intentionally. With that being said, I am going to jump forward a little in the story.
You see, I was finally leading a sober life, but now, the temptation to drink was more powerful than ever before. I remember one time I was lying in my bed, after work, and I felt like 1,000 demons were telling me to go to the liquor store. I remember Jesus saying, “Ignore them and you will feel better by morning.” I didn’t drink that night, and He was right.
However, I always thought, “One day, I can drink. One day I can be sober and moderate.”
So, every so often, I would relapse. I would think, “Just this weekend - it won’t be too bad.” Relapses are part of sobriety, but they are not usually ideal. The good news is that during these points, I would usually get back up again, but there is one particular terrifying circumstance that stands out to me now.
After a long time of sobriety, I fell again, and that weekend, I drank a lot. I remember I spent the entire evening drinking, woke up hungover, and I decided to wake up and drank some shots. I was pretty drunk by maybe noon. I spent the morning messing around, and then, something happened.
For about 20 minutes, I felt something missing in the front of my brain. It felt like my soul had left me. I am not exaggerating here. For 20 minutes or so, I felt like an animal, like I had actually lost my soul. Sure, I was drunk, and maybe readers were thinking brain damage or something, but it wasn’t this. I felt something gone from me.
I started panicking, trying to understand what was happening, and then I reached out to pray. I pleaded with God to forgive me for drinking and to return my soul. He answered my prayer, and I was relieved. I went back to sobriety again, but I kept breaking my vows to God in the future, relapsing every so often.
Even with this horrendous experience of the "soul lapse", I still kept falling back. After that soul experience, I was sober for a while, but in the back of my mind, I was still craving that drink. That is when God disciplined me. Not only did I break a vow, again, but I kept denying Him and His rescue of me. I would not give up the drinking for Him.
First, I need to explain why I deserved discipline.
Me turning my back on the light - Jesus Christ.
Why God Disciplines
With my drinking, despite my bouts of sobriety, I just couldn’t kick the habit. There was something actually wrong with me, and quite possibly, it was just a demon dwelling in me. I had no one to cast it out and no church to help me. Isn’t it crazy churches aren’t casting demons out of people? They could but they don’t. Churches aren’t doing anything!
I was disciplined in the months of December 2022 - January 2023. It was an extreme discipline, and it was humiliating. The truth is: I deserved it fully.
I not only kept breaking my vows to God, but I probably just never was going to quit that alcohol. I really wasn’t. I knew even in my heart that while I could be sober, I would keep falling to it, someway, somehow. I was actually learning to drink better in moderation, but still. You might be thinking, “But why does God care if you were drinking in moderation?” Obviously, the Bible says it is okay to drink in moderation, but I don't think God wanted that for me, even if I could do it.
Honestly, I didn’t know God was preparing me for this ministry. To run this ministry, I have to be really holy. It’s the only way. The way this ministry stands is through my holiness. Through my holiness, I cannot be shaken, and it’s why I stand strong against my enemies. It is why we keep prospering. It is not self-righteousness. It’s the truth. People have accused me of self-righteousness, even though I write these humiliating testimonies. It's never enough for people. Anyway...
So, God had to get rid of this demon, and the only way left was through discipline. The path of peace did not work. In the past, He was soft on me, forgiving me over and over and over. Even with that creepy soul-loss experience I had, He forgave me. He kept forgiving me, and I kept falling. I kept planning to drink again, but God knew my future. He had to rescue me.
However, a lot of people may ask, “Why hasn’t God rescued me?”, and my answer is I don’t think you want to be rescued.
Let me repeat, I don't think most want to be rescued.
Despite my sins, I did really want to be rescued from drinking. I talk to a lot of people who do not want to be rescued from their sins, but in my heart, I really did. I knew my sin was bad, but I was attached to it, and I couldn't escape it. So, I do think if you really want to be delivered, God will find a way for you, but you have to take a risk, which means giving it fully to Jesus. You have to ask him, fully in your heart, to be rescued, even if it means discipline.
One day, I prayed something like, “God, in the future, whatever you have to do. Do it. Whatever you have to do, get my life on track and to keep me sober. Do it. Do what it takes to keep me sober.” I said this prayer, and I MEANT IT! I meant it in my heart.
Most refuse to say a prayer like that because it’s scary. In fact, I had forgotten I said that prayer until after my discipline. God told me that prayer allowed Him to intervene and rescue me when my life came crashing down.
So, what did God have to do to get me to quit drinking? Discipline me. Severely. It was such an intense discipline experience that it completely freed me. I woke up, and I said.
“I am humbled, Lord. I realize you are all that matters. I now will serve you completely and fully, and I will NEVER drink again. I will never break this vow. I am free. You are God, and I worship you. Nothing else matters, and all those things I worried so much about, they were lies. I love you Jesus Christ, and now I am going to change.”
I had to be disciplined into pure humility. After that, I started the ministry, and there has been no stopping me since because I am free. I have never drink since then, and I never will. When I pass by alcohol at the store, I don’t even look at it. When I think of drinking a shot, I gag. When I even think of the “drunk feeling” I used to long for so much, I feel disgusted. Why? Alcohol betrayed me in the end and almost killed me.
So, last night, I was praying, and it came to me that it is now time for the world’s discipline. The world is in a severe state of unrepentance, and the soft approach hasn't worked. They won't let go of their sins. They need to be humbled. I am the perfect person to call this discipline on the world for many reasons. I believe this because of what I experienced in life, both good and bad, and I have the true perspective and right to say, “It is time for the world’s discipline. They will repent no other way.” I also believe God chose me to call this discipline upon the world.
God has been gentle, kind, loving, and patient with all readers. They won’t come back. They won’t listen. Almost everyone I speak to has something inhibiting them, and God will have to discipline them in order to remove it. There may be some who choose the path of peace at the last moment, but most of the world is not there. They are full of idols and sin, and just because you’re not an alcoholic like I was doesn’t mean you don’t have sin. There are hidden sins like pride, denying the truth, and selfishness. There is worldliness and there is narcissism. I see a pure denial of truth when it is right in front of people's faces. No matter what I present to people, it's never enough to convince them. They simply love the world too much to change, and they are too ashamed of the true Jesus Christ to do anything for Him. They are waiting for the big events to change, and there is nothing else that will change them until these big events start. And they have already started. People just do not understand or believe me.
In the end, God disciplines those He loves, so the world may not understand His wrath, but I do, and while Jesus does not need me to defend Him, I will live the rest of my life doing so. Here is a relevant verse:
for whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth.”
For my testimony, I was abusing my body and the temple of God. There are many reading who have addictions, and they are doing the same. I would stop worrying about if weed is a sin or not, but rather, if God wants that in your bodily temple. We are currently studying 1 Corinthians in our daily Bible study, and this is one of my favorite verses from 1 Corinthians 3:
16 Do you not know that you[c] are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? 17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.
On God's discipline, this verse from 1 Corinthians 4 is perfect. Tomorrow (8/25/24) we will be on 1 Corinthians 5, if you want to join us.
20 For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. 21 What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?
I know almost no one believes me, but the time of discipline is here. I wish I had chosen the path of gentleness, but I chose the rod, and I received it greatly.
Now, you may be wondering, what happened, but I cannot tell you yet. Why? Nobody will believe me until they are disciplined themselves. When the discipline is manifested upon the world, I will share my humiliating experience with readers. Until then, it will just be saved for another testimony, and a little mystery is fun, right?
So, my message to readers is turn away from your sins, especially the sin that denies me and this blog. Jesus Christ has chosen me, and if you deny me, you deny Him. You will find out soon.
I do not ask for discipline of the world with hatred in my heart. I just think there is no other way, and ask it because I love people and want as many to be saved as possible. So here is my prayer.
Father in Heaven,
I pray that my humiliating testimonies will change readers' hearts in Jesus's name. If not, Lord, I pray that it is time for the discipline of the unrepentant in Jesus's name. Lord, I believe it is time to bring discipline to those who proclaim your name, and the righteous still stand in Jesus's name. Lord, I pray for mercy on whom you will have mercy and your will be done in Jesus's name. I pray it is time for your wrath, the first bowl to pour fully, and bring your discipline on the world in order to save the souls of the unrepentant in Jesus's name. Lord, I see the sores have begun, and I now pray that this bowl is more fully poured out upon the nations in Jesus's holy name. I pray nothing can stop my prayers in any timeline or dimension in Jesus's holy name. Witness 1 agrees, The Third Witness has come in agreement with my prayers on our phone call on 8/23/24, and he is here to testify that the world is also deserving of this discipline in Jesus's name.
Well, if people don't believe me, I guess time will tell you soon. I pray you all have a good day in Jesus's name. If you are trying to be holy or trying to repent, our discord may be a good place to join. Come as you are. I think many there are in the process of sanctification, and we are not judging anyone - just trying to get them back to Jesus. I pray this writing has the most severe spirit of truth and it touches every single person who reads it in Jesus's name.
Now, I thank the Lord for my discipline. Without it, I would have been damned to hell, died in a drinking incident likely. The Lord Jesus Christ rescued me. He restored all of the things I have lost. I vouch the Bible is 100% true, Jesus Christ is my Savior, and He is perfectly righteous and just in all His dealings. Sometimes people just deserve discipline, and it is the time for this discipline upon the world.
With the agape love of Jesus Christ,
Elisha aka Witness 2