Faith Never Fails: "The Beginning of Anxiety is The End of Faith"

Faith is a word that is tossed around by most Christians, almost carelessly. Although it is the most serious part of our walk as Christians, it was not until recently I could even begin to write something clearly on the topic. "The Beginning of Anxiety is The End of Faith" is a quote by George Müller who will be discussed in this post. Finally, we dedicate this post to anonymous who made this writing possible - He will know who he is upon reading this, and you will find out more about him soon.

Introduction: Relying Solely on Faith

Though Witness 1 and I had been writing for years, in January of this year, something in my soul shifted. I was faced with a severe attack on my life, and when I came out of this attack - without a scratch (except maybe intense trauma I am still recovering from), I knew I had to give back to God. I knew it was time to do what I always wanted to do: start our own church.

Well, I am a woman, and I couldn't do this alone. I married Witness 1 because I always knew He was a great man of God, but he needed the right woman to push him in the right direction.

He, too, seemed to believe it was time; however, this is going to be an honest take on the whole situation. He did not have really any faith that anything we were doing would work out. That's the honest truth, and I asked him if I could do an utterly honest portrayal of this testimony for this post. He agreed.

You see, to most, I always seem a little bit too idealistic in nearly everything I take on. But it's always followed the same pattern: 1) I have a big idea. 2) There are 1,000 doubters. 3) I accomplish the big idea. Witness 1 can vouch that this is how it goes, and I have never lost these idealistic tendencies, especially when it comes to work.

Still, the truth is, when it came to Jesus Christ, I lacked faith in so many ways. Though I 100% believed Jesus Christ was my savior, I just didn't believe He really would do things for me. I don't think I felt worthy. I'm not sure. I just always had tremendous doubt in the back of mind as I prayed. I am sure many of you reading can relate to this struggle.

Here and there, my faith would pull me through, but it wasn't consistent. Does this story sound similar to anyone reading? Even when Jesus Christ healed my back, I still lacked faith in Him.

So, after God restored my life after "they" had almost taken it all, I knew it was time to let go of everything holding me back - and quite simply - that was my lack of faith.

We began our ministry, and God told me to just invite anyone who wanted to join. I was already running a Christian group on social media, and I asked who would like to join my new ministry. I think only 1 or 2 commented out of hundreds, and I added them.

I realized most Americans didn't care, and most didn't want a true church. I'm sorry, but it's just the truth, so God told me to try other countries. So, I randomly started receiving friend requests from people from Africa and other places, and I added them to the group.

It started small, but God continued to direct me. He told me to begin services twice a week, with Witness 1 as the pastor. He told me to donate to every single person who came who was in need. With the help of the few American friends who supported me, and Witness 1, that is what I did.

Now, Witness 1 was not happy with this sudden giving at first. It was a lot of giving. Though I've always been a generous person, he wasn't quite happy with me giving large chunks of money to people with money we really didn't have. We aren't rich by any means, and we have a lot of debt.

So, as usual, Witness 1 and I would debate, and we would use scripture, and I would win the debates by showing him verses like this - about giving those to ask without question. The Word of God always wins.

I'm lucky that Witness 1 loves me as Christ loves the church because he decided to support me. I don't think most people would. Trust me, there were battles, but I had complete faith that God would make it work. I just kept telling Witness 1 that this is what God has instructed, it is backed up with scripture, and somehow, someway, it will come back to us.

Each week the ministry grew, and every week, somehow, someway, we were able to provide for every single person who attended - basic needs, of course.

Every week, Witness 1 would say something sarcastically like, "Your donations are running out. How are you going to provide for the people next week?" Again, he would say this sarcastically and rudely! (I'm laughing as I edit this because I'm reading it out loud to him). In response to his lack of faith, I'd say, "Well, let me ask God." Sometimes I would just respond, "Ye of little faith!"

Then, he'd be shocked when we would get a random donation at 3:00 am, hours before the next meeting, and we were able to provide for everyone.

This kept happening, and I believe somewhere along the way, Witness 1 acquiesced. He started to see what I was seeing - my faith was moving mountains.

Now this post is not to brag. This is just an introduction. How can one develop faith that moves mountains? Why and how was God answering my prayers? I am sure many of you are thinking, "I pray all of the time - God isn't answering." Many reading may feel defeated, downtrodden, and tired.

So, I am asking you to read this whole post. I wanted to show you how I asked God, and how He answered me. This isn't about me being better or more special than any reader. It is about me finally letting go of that anxiety - and starting a true journey of faith.

George Müller: Faith is Everything

Before I get back to how I prayed and grew my faith, I wanted to tell you about a man that has recently inspired me. George Muller is a man famous for his faith, who used only his faith to take care of orphans and inspire thousands upon thousands to this day.

While you may have to spend some time reading through one of his many biographies, I wanted to provide readers with a testimony of what was so amazing about him - he learned how to trust in God to completely provide for him:

One morning, all the plates and cups and bowls on the table were empty. There was no food in the larder and no money to buy food. The children were standing, waiting for their morning meal, when Müller said, “Children, you know we must be in time for school.” Then lifting up his hands he prayed, “Dear Father, we thank Thee for what Thou art going to give us to eat.”
There was a knock at the door. The baker stood there, and said, “Mr. Müller, I couldn’t sleep last night. Somehow I felt you didn’t have bread for breakfast, and the Lord wanted me to send you some. So I got up at 2 a.m. and baked some fresh bread, and have brought it.”
Mr. Müller thanked the baker, and no sooner had he left, when there was a second knock at the door. It was the milkman. He announced that his milk cart had broken down right in front of the orphanage, and he would like to give the children his cans of fresh milk so he could empty his wagon and repair it.

There are countless stories like this, but I challenge anyone who is lacking faith to go on YouTube and just listen to this video tonight if you need some inspiration.

So, going back to the ministry, that is what I started doing with God. I would go to Him, and I would say, a prayer like this:

Dear Father in Heaven, on Sunday, I need x amount of money to feed _____ amount of people. God, I don't have the money, and I need your help. I thank you for helping me Lord, and I will trust that you will do what is in your will. In Jesus's name. I pray against any doubt entering my mind and burn it with fire. I trust that you, my Lord Jesus Christ, can do anything, and if it is in your will, you will help me.

I started talking to God like my Father. In an ideal home, a child never has to question if their mom and dad will provide for them, and that is the same with God. He is the perfect father, and He knows just what we need.

However, this is really important to note - your motives do matter:

James 4:3 “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

It's so easy for prayers to become selfish.

You see, I really can say I don't think any of my prayers at this time had any selfish motivation. Despite our flourishing ministry, we have not received any fame or fortune for what we do, and we don't want that. When I prayed, I seriously just wanted to have enough for everyone. That was my true intention.

So, the problem with many of our prayers is that they are selfish. We have to learn to pray in God's will and purpose for us, but we can only do that when we really are understanding what the Bible calls us to do.

My revelation at the beginning of this year was that we are called as Christians to take care of the poor, yet so few churches are doing that.

In order for God to answer our prayers, we have to be truly ready to be set apart for Him. When I started the ministry, I knew that it was going to take my energy, time, and resources, and I knew I would get a lot of doubt and criticism. This is true of this website, which I consider part of the full ministry, as we are constantly getting emails from people telling me how I should be or what they think of me. Note it is usually about me "Witness 2", as I think I reveal way more about myself than Witness 1.

Still, I have learned from God to trust in what He believes about me and sees in me. Everything about faith is dependent on your relationship with God. Why should I care what man thinks of me? If God is for me, who can be against me?

When I changed how I approached God, my faith changed. Here are the steps I changed in my prayer life:

1) I NEVER made an excuse not to pray. Sick, tired, at work, driving, etc. I am always praying. In my mind or out loud, I am in a state of prayer as much as humanly possible. We are called to pray in the spirit at all times, with all sorts of requests.
2) I learned to cast out demons of doubt. Whenever doubt would come in to my mind, I'd stop the prayer, and I would say, "I cast out all demons of doubt in the name of Jesus Christ." Then, I'd restart the prayer, as many times as I needed. Eventually, my mind would be clear, and I would pray correctly.
3) This is the hardest step. I had to be ready for God to change me and let His will take over my life. In January, after the terrible incident that I had, I learned that all that really mattered was serving and pleasing God. Of course, I love my family, but I couldn't serve them correctly if I wasn't serving Jesus Christ correctly. I had to deny myself and pick up my cross.

I want to expand on point 3. Please, please, I do not want anyone taking what I write as I think I'm some sort of saint. I'm not. This testimony is just to help someone out there.

So, in order to really do well in the ministry, I had to let go of some things. I stopped buying beautiful clothes that I liked to wear so I could use that money to give to the poor. I also would take some money I earned on the side to give to them. I also had to start devoting a great portion of my time talking to these people, setting up accounts to pay them, and fighting with Witness 1.

Yes, Witness 1 and I were not always seeing eye to eye. So what did I do? I kept praying. I would ask God to open his eyes and his heart, and God would answer me.

To note, Witness 1 had many fair reservations about me giving to random poor people in third world countries. Clearly, I had to be wise, and I needed a strong male leader to guide me. So, I hope Witness 1 takes this testimony as a balanced view, and he knows I love him.

I also often had conflict with those in the ministry. Some would be angry and even rude, telling me I did not give enough money, or even making racist comments about me being white. Still, Jesus Christ told me not to be offended. He would tell me what to do, and through His Holy Spirit, He helped me set up a system of how to give fairly and equitably, as well as how to handle people who were cruel. I did cry a lot though, and I still do. People can be really mean, and sometimes they don't see me as human. Still, Jesus told me that He loves me even if the world doesn't.

As we approach the end of this year (it is coming by quicker than we think), I think Witness 1 saw how my faith moved mountains. No matter what went wrong, I always would say, "Let me go ask God and pray." There are many times I cried, and there are things that failed. There are times where I wanted to quit and give up, and then the Holy Spirit would say, "Don't listen to Satan, Witness 2. Keep going!"

Now we have hundreds involved, and it is growing. Every day, more join, and I keep asking God, "Uh...how am I going to provide for all these people?"

He always replies, "Haven't I shown you that I will guide you step by step?" Now this leads to my next section - a miraculous day.

A Miraculous Day

This summer I intensified my prayer and fasting life, as those are also keys to answered prayers. Fasting gets God's attention, and we will be scheduling an upcoming fast if you are interested. I will write more about that in an upcoming post (Look forward to our next post: "Trump, Tesla, and Time Travel: Living in Donnie's Pleasure Paradise")

Throughout the summer, I would pray with a friend of mine, who I will call Cathy. Cathy told me she had a prophetic dream of me receiving a large chunk of money and distributing it to the poor.

Hearing this promise, I prayed to God about it daily. Of course, I have all sorts of prayers, and if you are on our email list, I pray for you just about every day - by name! However, here is my process for anyone interested:

1) Wake up and go straight to prayer. I did not brush my teeth, hair, or anything else. I went to the table, and I prayed. It was groggy, and it wasn't pretty, but I started the day that way. I always told God, "I will come back and pray when I am more awake."
2) I would get ready and listen to prayers as I prepared for the day. There are endless amounts of prayers on YouTube, but I do enjoy Robert Clancy's daily prophetic utterances.
3) Whether I worked or not, I would fast every single day to at least 3 pm. I had to train for this, and if you are new to fasting, don't start like this. Now, I fast every single day to 5 or 6 pm. This has taken me hard work and training. I no longer eat anymore in the day, and I am not sure if I ever will again. I don't know why - I just don't feel I can anymore. I feel like I have to be constantly fasting for everyone for as long as I can. Again, this isn't to brag. I am just trying to give an honest schedule of what I do to help someone. If you are new to fasting, just start small. Start somewhere. You don't have to be as extreme as me, but I am running this crazy website, and I feel like I have no choice. Seriously!
4) During the day, since I wasn't consumed with food, I had more time for tons of stuff! I would write these posts (as you can tell I wrote a lot this summer), and I'd pray all throughout the day. Sometimes with my family - sometimes by myself. I started taking on some enjoyable hobbies like running and I even fasted from my phone.
5) I made goals to get off my phone. I put my phone on airplane mode when I prayed, and I put in on airplane mode for time periods so I had a break. Please, if you could just take a break from your phone and challenge yourself, you might more clearly hear His voice.

Anyway, during this time, I asked God to cleanse me of all things not helping my life, and I asked Him to accelerate our ministry. I also asked Him to provide for all of the people and to help give me a sign I was on the right path. This went on all summer.

This morning, I woke up to one of the largest donations we had ever received. It was honestly shocking. When Witness 1 woke up, he was in awe.

On my way to work, I was smiling the whole time. I knew this was one of my answered prayers, and I knew it was going to help so many people. I couldn't stop thanking God.

In the morning, I was outside of my workplace, and someone walked by and screamed, "A praying mantis!"

I looked down, and I saw the cutest little white praying mantis, which I guess is relatively rare:

I knew he'd get trampled if he stayed on the sidewalk, so I got a twig and he went right to it.

As I was picking him up, all of these people started gathering around! It was really strange because normally people seem relatively zombified, but everyone was very concerned about this praying mantis.

I said, "I think he needs to be safe in the bush." Someone said, "That's a smart idea!"

I felt like I was in some 1950s "ideal" movie scene for a moment, just enjoying this endearing interaction.

Still, I believe God was telling me, "See what the power of prayers can do, and see that there are still true helpers out there."

When I called the man to thank him and asked him why he did it, he said, "I just thought the Two Witnesses could use some money."

I laughed, but he told me he wanted no glory, and I believe him. He sincerely told me he wasn't even quite sure why he gave such a large amount, and he has never really done anything quite like that before. He just knew he had to do it.

I believe 100% God was working through him, and these are stories just like George Müller told.

The man who gave us the donation wants no glory, but I just want to take this moment to sincerely thank him and his wife. I don't know how to thank him, and he said, "Don't." He told me that he did what he was supposed to do, but I want him to know, as I know he will read this, that he changed our lives today in the most powerful way through the power of Jesus Christ.

Just knowing there is a couple out there like that, so kind...it just was a miraculous moment for us. These people had no reason to give us that money, other than what God told them. They never met us, but they do read our work, and they have no reason to even trust we would do the right thing with it. In fact, he just said, "I don't care what you do with it! I just knew I had to give it to you."

He told me he wanted NO glory for this donation and to give it all to God. So, I will honor his request. Here is my prayer.

Dear Father in Heaven,
Thank you for this man who gave to us today. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray that our Lord and Savior receives all the glory, and this testimony is used to increase faith in all reading. I still do pray for blessings upon the donator, God, as you have promised that those who are generous will prosper. Father, I ask for you to remove all doubt from readers and increase their faith now in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank you for all you do for us and our ministries. In Jesus's holy name I pray.

As I ended work for the day, I saw a beautiful hawk soaring above me, and I just took that as another sign, that God is always watching, reassuring, and that I should never lose faith. By the way, I always see these hawks, and I don't believe in coincidence.

In fact, I would like you all to STOP doubting those signs you get. There is a spiritual realm, and there are many ways that angels and Jesus himself is communicating with you. Of course, there are also false spirits, so test every spirit.

The point is that there are signs all around, and there are big and little miracles where God is speaking to us in nearly every moment. Are you awake?

Conclusion

I would like to end with some quotes from Mr. Müller himself:

So, to end this post, when I started truly following the Bible and living my life in obedience to the Lord, everything changed.

Look, the truth is, I had experienced great discipline from God because He had to wake me up. I almost lost everything so that He could see that there was very little I actually needed. I need Him first, and this world is an absolute joke. This world serves Satan.

Unfortunately, most are in enormous comfort and haven't been "shaken" yet - in Babylon anyway.

God is telling you this time of comfort is over. This is the time to get right with Him - no matter what you are struggling with - addiction, lust, trauma, etc. - He hasn't left you and He hasn't give up on you.

So, don't give up on Him.

I finally get it. Faith can move mountains.

God bless you all in the name of Jesus Christ!